I’m the king of this pity party.

I’m turning eighteen in two weeks. Me, eighteen. May I have the rights to freak the fuck out a little? WHEN DID I GET SO…OLD? haha, I don’t really know. My friend turned eighteen today, it’s weird because we’ve been talking about this since we were like twelve years old, and now the days are here. It’s so creepy.

But at the same time, nothing changes. I will not automatically grow a few inches just because i’m older and not gonna all of a sudden grow a beard. It’s just a day, a silly day when I suddenly counts as a ”grown up” or whatever.

I have so much homework it’s silly, and I’m waaaay to tired to do them.

people annoy me as fuck, especially some people in my own age, I don’t get it. Why do people have to act like they’re fourteen when they’ve been eighteen for a while now? is it a midlife crisis or does it depend on how you’ve been treated as a child? I DON’T GET IT, AND IF THEY START TO REALLY ANNOY ME (like, more than now, which could be possible) I WILL PERSONALLY KILL THEM

with a spoon.

L-O-V-E is just another word i’ll never learn to pronounce.

Valentines day is over, and everything felt normal. I’m not in a relationship, I don’t want to be in a relationship and I can’t see the point of this day. Sure, I was really happy when my mom bought me ice cream and she loved the flowers her boyfriend thingy gave her. But that’s it, valentines day isn’t about having a girlfriend/boyfriend you spoil with love and roses, you shouldn’t need a special day in the calendar to do that, you should should do it everyday. You can’t treat a girl/boy like piss just to use valentines day to apologize.

And also, i’ve read everywhere that people complain over the fact that they’re alone and not having a girlfriend/boyfriend, that they’re ”forever alone” don’t you guys have a family? a pet? a friend? If you wanna be all romantic about this shitty day, to something special to them instead, what is stopping you from being romantic? If the society is not doing anything since this was a normal fucking tuesday, start something, make the society see that you want to use this day to be a fucking romantic person. Like I said, what the hell is stopping you?

But if you didn’t ”have the chance to use valentines day” USE. THE. OTHER. 365. DAYS. OF. THIS. YEAR. Valentines day is just a DAY. IN. A. UGLY. CALENDAR.

I have a group discussion about economy crisis now, I don’t like it, but I’m doing that much rather then loving everyone.

I’m pretty sure that I will write a similar post next year, because this world will NEVER. LEARN.

No edge.

(I think only vlogbrothers fans will get that^ title, haha)

Dude, NO. EDGE.

Haha I don’t know, I am bored. At the moment I am waiting for my turn to record my voice when I read my part in this stupid english project. Haha, but it’s fun, I get to mention Lord of The Rings, which is the most awesome thing that’s happening today.

With that saying you people can understand that this thursday is going to be PRETTY BORING, But it’s okay, i’m used to it, boring days, studying all the time, scare the shit out of me with Supernatural etc etc BUT THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING when you’re socially awkward and can’t send text messages to your friends, asking them if they want to meet up or something, and it’s not like they ask me, BUT IT’S OKAY, I DON’T WANNA SEE YOU EITHER. Haha, just joking, i’m not mad.

Yesterday I watched The Lion King with my sister, second time this month, and I cried, oh god yes. My feelings were all over the place. A little kid watched it for the first time and when Mufasa died, the little innocent kid started crying, and when it was fun the kid started to laugh out loud and usually I get annoyed with people making noises, but all I could think of is when I saw the movie for the first time, how that movie changed my life and how I understood that if I meet a man, he has to be a lion.

I like my men hairy, my other disney crushes is Robin Hood, Basil of Baker Street, The Beast and of course Simba.

I just recorded my voice on a computer. I tripped over my tongue 42 times and I died, but I lived through it and now it’s over. Next week we’re going to play this shit to the class, I am not looking forward to it.

 

Sleep will not come because sleep does not will it.

I have absolutely nothing of importance to say.

I watched the second season of Sherlock and drank Pepsi today, I basically sat on the same spot the whole day, obsessing over Sherlock. I only moved once and that was when Doctor Who began and I had to move to the sofa.

I really wish The Doctor could come and get me now, with his TARDIS and his bow tie. I wouldn’t mind that, no. Traveling around in time and space, visit Sherlock and Watson, solve some murders, be the mother of…euw no, I hate babies, save planets and in the end of the day, I will fall asleep next to my favorite time lord, and I know that my sleeping problems will be solved because the doctor is the doctor.

I really need that. But instead i’m stuck here, acting like a complete maniac when I hear something that resembles the TARDIS.

I have my bag already packed, is that weird?

Thoughts about relationships

Hello.

Ellie here.

Yes, I am still alive. And since Jazz has been complaining about me never posting anything anymore I thought I’d write a post about something that has been annoying me for a while.

Relationships. Of the romantic kind.

It’s not that I’m bothered by relationships per se, what people get up to is their own business and I don’t give a crap.

I am bothered with relationships when people make it their business to make comments about my lack of a relationship. Yes, I am single. No, I don’t want a relationship. Can we move on?

But clearly, we can’t.

Because it’s everywhere. The question. “Are you seeing someone?” “Have you met anyone lately?” Or if you mention a guy by name and they start looking at you like it should mean something it don’t. Or when people just blurt out: “Ellie, isn’t it time that you find someone”, because God forbid that you should be a woman of 21, single and happy about it.

I DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

But people do not listen. If you say that you don’t want a relationship they retort with “You just haven’t met the right one yet” or “Wait until you fall in love”.

Why is this such an issue? Is the fact that I’m single and happy about it some sort of threat to the general style of living? Do I have to have a man to be complete as a person?

I am not romantic. Not in any way. To be honest I don’t even believe myself capable of falling in love, but it’s hard to argue that point, so I’m not even gonna try. And I’m fine with my life the way it is. I like being me. I like doing what I do. I like living alone and being able to do things the way I want to because I have no one else to consider.  I like having the bed all to myself.

It bothers me to no end that this can’t be respected.

I’m just not a person who has relationships, and that’s the end of it.

and I still hate everyone.

It’s Friday tomorrow, and I don’t feel anything, I don’t feel that little happiness i’d always get when it was nearly friday and the weekend was knocking on my door. But now, nothing, just a little stomach ache, but all girls that read this understand why.

Tomorrow I will attend one class in a totally new classroom, and i’m not completely sure where that classroom is. This gives me more angst then it should, hopefully I will find some of my classmates before, but if not. Fuck my life hard and toast it with ketchup.

I have something in my eye, it hurts.

Okay, i’m tired as fuck, I should probably go to bed before I kill someone.

King of anything.

I don’t get people. I keep getting completely random texts from friends where they write about their day, WITHOUT ME ASKING, why is that? why do people think that I care about that shit? If I ask, sure, tell me if you want, but if I sit and fangirl over Benedict Cumberbatch (Which is always) DO. NOT. FUCKING. DISTURB.

I love Benedict so much, you guys have no idea.

I’m fine, but I here those voices at night.

Feels like in every post I write I complain about my lack of sleep, but yeah, I slept bad, again, nothing new. Except that this time I fell asleep when I got home and woke up an hour later screaming ”NO THAT’S NOT MY SOCKS” confused as fuck I tried to remember what the hell happened and then, in panic, thought that it was in the middle of the fucking night and my dad and my sister forgot about me and went on a holiday.

They haven’t done that though, they would just come home a little later than usual and it wasn’t in the middle of the night, so the worst part in this was that I missed dinner (or well…I was supposed to make my own dinner..so I didn’t miss anything) and some TV-shows.

But my only question is, why can’t I have normal dreams? I mean, there’s nothing normal at all to wake up screaming, almost in tears, about socks. SOCKS PEOPLE. I think this is a sign, that I should be extra careful with my socks.

Dear lord, they will probably strangle me to death in my sleep.

Does it look like i’m studying now?

Hello everyone, i’m supposed to study right know so my dad keeps a little eye on me from time to time by knocking where there’s is supposed to be a door (I have a shower curtain (a very pretty one) that covers it for the moment..) and communicates with me. But, if he sees that I do anything but writing he’ll know that I don’t study, which is bad, but if he sees me writing and looking VERY FOCUSED he will of course think that i’m studying, hooray!

But seriously, I am going to study…soon..

I was supposed to meet up with some friends today (yes, I have friends, get over it) BUT, with the lack of sleep and friend spirit I thought it was best to call it off, and study all day instead. I’M DOING SO WELL, no, not really, but that’s not the point. The point is that I have a lack of everything that makes a person kind and social and you know…nice. So I have no idea how i’ll actually manage school tomorrow, without stabbing someone repeatedly in the chest.

Another thing that makes me pissed is the fact that my hair is ugly as fuck. I wanted it to be a dark red color, but guess what? just a day after dying it it turned *gasps for breath* orange…ORANGE. I liked it a little in the beginning, But now I just want to cut the ugly shit off. And yesterday, when I was shopping with the last money for this month, I could have easily bought some hair dye and fixed it. BUT WHAT DID I DO? I bought a kind of ugly shirt thingy, SO NOW I’M SITTING HERE, with a ugly shirt and ugly hair and no money.

It’s great, I’m so tired of this red that i’m going to dye it black again next time. THAT’S HOW ANGRY I AM.

Haha, i’m so funny.

Are you stupid or just a little slow?

I’m laying here in my bed feeling like a fatty as I eat the last piece of my chocolate (I will love you forever) on a friday night. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Everyone I know is either with friends or at some party or doing something other than being lazy. I guess I fail as a teenager, but what the hell, It’s more fun being alone and secretly calling everyone I know idiots other than being in a room filled WITH the idiots.

Yes, I am a lovely friend, thank you.

My sister seems to have crawled up in a corner and died or something. LOL NOPE, I know she hasn’t, since I talked to her earlier this day, ha ha ha. But yeah, it’s kind of boring being the only one that updates.

YOU HEAR THAT SISTER?
No, you won’t, you’ll probably read it. But never…ever…hear it..

I AM SO WEIRD I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING.

Meep.